Being in Pain is Hard When You're Not Even the One in Pain

Here I am at 1 am trying to catch my breath but let it go all at the same time. This tends to be the feeling you get when a ninja gets in (reference from previous blog post).

Roselynn goes in for surgery in 5 hours. The cyst that they found on her in the womb hasn't disappeared. It was present the moment after birth and we were advised to take her to go see a specialist. We took her to the specialist who than proceeded to tell use we needed to wait until she was bigger. She was too small. So we waited and returned for an ultrasound and saw that the cyst at least remained the same size, is not attached to her intestines or stomach but is most likely attached to an ovary. It will be a laparoscopic surgery which most people have kind of shrugged off, or "she'll-be-fine-d" it but for Maudi and I it's terrifying. She's grown to be 22 inches and a little over 8 pounds. That means her entire body is only 13 inches bigger than the scar on me. My wife has a scar from the pregnancy due to unplanned c-section and now baby Rosebud is going to have one just below her belly button. I have hundreds of scars and I am always down to hear those stories but my baby is a different story. Nobody likes to see their loved ones in pain and it's even harder when they don't quite understand why they're in pain. I knew she'd have scars and scraped knees from life but I didn't plan on her having one this early other than her belly button. She's just so perfect, precious, and whole. It almost feels like I failed as a father even though inside I know it's not my fault and sometimes things just happen.

It makes me think of the opening interview with Mr. Incredible from "the Incredibles" when he says, "I feel like the maid, I just cleaned up this mess, can we keep it clean?! FOR TEN MINUTES?!" She's just my daughter and my wife and I made something healthy and perfect and I couldn't "keep her clean for ten minutes." :(

I know other families and young couples struggle with pregnancy or have overcome early trials, speed bumps, or even permanent scars. I have many friends in such conditions and I look up to those fathers and mothers and even children immensely. For being so brave and progressive despite unfair adversity.

Right now, at 1:20 am, my biggest fear continues to be the restrictions placed due to COVID-19 where they have told us that only one parent can come with the child (even though on their website it says something completely different). I will be going with my wife and I plan to be by her side throughout every moment of this. If I have to have words with multiple hospital staff personnel then so be it. I just don't understand the logic behind holding one parent out while the other goes in when we've been breathing the same air. It's within the county and state guidelines as well. The only leg they have to stand on is that it's their establishment and they get to make the rules. This may be my first time getting security called on me. I'll update you all soon.